I’m currently reading Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable, which was recommended to me by my sister. She said, “It changed my life.” That’s a mighty claim, so I bought a copy on Amazon. The book is a clear explanation of how it is impossible to live the life Jesus has called us to live if we are in an endless state of offense. In essence, Hansen says, we are to give up our right to be offended because, firstly, we are to surrender ourselves so entirely to God that we give up our ambitions and status, and secondly, we fail to love as Jesus did if we allow ourselves to be hurt and angered over what others do, their sin, and the injustices they inflict.
Apparently he’s gotten some push back on this concept. The religious say that as long as it is righteous anger then it is good. It fuels our action against sin and injustices. They point to Jesus’ anger in the New Testament, when he made a whip and drove out the merchants in the temple. Hansen points out that Jesus’ character is beyond reproach so He can have righteous anger. We can’t handle it.
And he is right in saying that the church condones righteous anger. We are to hate sin, if not the sinner. I have lived my life struggling with the balancing act between loving people and showing my disapproval of their sin as a result of this tenet of Christian teaching. I felt that I was not “being a good Christian” if I did not make sure to let people know that I clearly sided with the Bible on what was right and what was wrong. I even felt pretty proud of myself once because in a conversation with some friends in college, I stated my views on homosexuality, making sure they understood that while I loved the sinners themselves, I could not condone their lifestyle. They were sinners. My friends threatened to dissociate with me if I ever voiced that opinion again. I felt like quite the martyr, as I piously spouted scripture at non-Christians who did not believe in Jesus, much less the Bible. I pressed my views, feeling that losing a friendship was better than sacrificing my “Christian” values.
What. An. Idiot. In that moment I chose rules over relationships. And beyond that, I was inflicting a set of values on people who had not made any agreement to share those values, and were not likely to either, after that encounter. Looking back I feel shame. I thought I was so righteous. What a Pharisee I was.
As an adult, I am a self-professed introvert and am a bit socially awkward. I get so nervous about eye contact during a conversation that I can’t even hear what the other person is saying. “Ok that was, what, about 30 seconds of eye contact? That was a long time. Look away. Now back. Not so long this time. . . ” I struggle to start conversations. It’s exhausting to be in large groups. I feel under a microscope constantly. I am highly task oriented so that when I am at a social event, I only feel comfortable if I am tasking. For instance, I will work on preparing and serving food, even if I’m not hosting, rather than interacting with the others there. It’s more comfortable that way. The result is that I largely avoid people. This is difficult because I’m a public school teacher in a small town. And it’s difficult because that’s not a very Jesus-like thing to do.
The truth is that my introverted, awkward, task-oriented self is a stronghold that I’ve set up to protect myself. I am also a people pleaser. I’m very concerned with what others think of everything I do. I have set up in my mind what others think is “right” and try to align myself with it, even it’s something that I’ve completely made up in my head. My mistake is being so obsessed with my status in the eyes of others that I change the entire way that I interact with them. And that is so stressful that I choose not to interact with them at all.
Hansen says in his book, “Loving people means divesting ourselves of our status. We’re not being naive in doing it. We’ve surrendered it [to Jesus] for good reason, believing that there is something better in exchange. We decide to be unoffendable because that’s how love operates; it gives up its ‘status’ entirely.” My behaviors are not indicative of giving up status. In fact, I am so offended by the slights of others, real or imagined, that I am fully rejecting them before they can reject me. How can I love people when I refuse to be around them? How can I love them when I am so focused on my own eye contact that I can’t even hear what they’re saying?
My prayer going forward is that I can divest myself of my offense, my status, and my discomfort. This is my sin and the thing I have allowed the enemy to use to make me ineffective. I allowed my social awkwardness to victimize me, but I’m not a victim. I am more than a conqueror through Jesus (Romans 8:37), and I am not living up to my potential, I am not bringing others to Him, and I am not loving because I have let it defeat me.
So thank you, Mr. Hansen, for being obedient to write your book. I’m planning to teach it in our church’s small group this fall. I’m certain you need no affirmation from me, but I am grateful that my sister followed Jesus’ prompt to recommend the book. I am grateful that you shared your heart in it. And I am grateful that Jesus made a path for our freedom and peace if we’ll cast our burdens on Him!
Five Dog Bend 